Showing posts with label why. Show all posts

Friday, January 13, 2017

What is it and why does it sometimes seem like it is applied differently between the genders. I happen to be the type of girl who just likes to hang out with people. To talk and listen to the opinions and the beliefs of others. Especially men. It is interesting to hear the differences in the way we think and how certain words seem to take on a different meaning among the sexes. The most glaring example is loyalty. Especially in its application to monogamy.

The other day I was sitting in the library of my school with a few friends and we were having a candid conversation about cheating. The men were up in arms talking about how women who cheat are not for them. They insisted that when men cheat and women cheat it is on two different levels. Because our vagina’s are directly tied to our hearts. The fact that we take a man into our beds mean more then just a good lay. Men consistently insist that their penises and their hearts are not even on the same hemisphere most days. They offer up the justification/excuse that while they can stick themselves into whatever opening available, they only hand their heart out to their “main”.

Main. Main? Your main woman. The one who cooks for you. Dresses like your personal model, holds your hand, listens to your dreams, and encourages you to set and achieve your goals. She holds you down. She is also expected to be loyal to your relationship. Which to some men means that infidelity should not be a deal breaker. It’s a violation to your shared relationship and their “Ride or Die” status is revoked.

But what about the reverse? Why doesn’t a man’s status as their woman’s “Ride or Die” get buried? Women enjoy sex as much as men. They just tend to be more discriminating with whom they let into that space. Why? Because that is how we are socialized to be. Times are changing and women are starting to become independent. Becoming the wife is not the brass ring any more.

But the expectation of monogamy is not and should not be difficult. It is my perspective that loyalty is a two way street. Your heart should be with me, but your brain should have enough control over your body to keep the rest of you in check. Otherwise find someone willing to be that type of woman for you. Someone willing to stand by your side with a bright smile, while you sleep with anything and everything that moves. Open relationships work for some people.

I am one of five. I have had to share a lot in my life. I do not mind it usually. But once we get to the point where we are public and I am inviting you to meet my people I need to be the only person laying claim on those bits of you. Loyalty begets loyalty. Otherwise, bye.

Jen A. Durand

Author of The Secrets, Lies, and Betrayal Series and The Virgins Club, www.Durandpublishing.net

Completed Works

Secrets, Lies, and Betrayal Series:

Wintr’s Homecoming: Secrets

Jaguar Nights: Lies

Pearl Moon: Betrayal

Shadowy Lights: Fear

Cold Sun: Obsession

The Virgins Club:

The Planner

The Fixer

Lipstick Diaries:

She Meets Bold

Wicked Meets Bad Boy
Confident Meets Cold

The Prince’s Heart

Things Left Unsaid

Stuck Between Two Millionaires

Lasting Kind Of Love

Twins For Christmas

Closing The Deal

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Lilia is looking for a way off of the spinster list. She is tired of the pity glances from her family members. And her mother’s matchmaking fails. She is determined to make the upcoming year, the year of her being able to attend a family function without dreading the ever-present question, “Are you dating someone yet?” When her friend Pricilla offered to set her up, she jumped on the chance to end her dry streak.

Lilia is your typical type A over achiever with a drive to always be on the top of her game. The reader gets insight into her life, her thought process, and her fears. Her exterior is this hard, ball busting, independent woman. Her love life has been lacking for a while and Cain is this unexpected thing that fell into her lap. They build a relationship around trying to help each other out of their respective troubles. He is not the guy she goes for and she is not the type of woman he would entertain entering into a relationship.

To start with she is a Virgin. Something Cain had no encountered since high school and she seemed pretty determined to stay that way until marriage. Lilia has her reasons for abstinence. She wanted to share something real with her significant other without becoming a part of a bunch of guys sex rolodex. Remember rolodexes?

Anyway here is an excerpt from Chapter 5 of the Planner:

“Lilia could hear the relief in her mother’s voice, “Wonderful Lilia. I have been so worried. I told your father you work too much. You spend to much time in the office and not enough time caring for yourself.”

“Mom,” Lilia said warningly as she looked down at her fingernails.

Prissy had called Salem. He had made some excuse about a sick dog. Lilia did not care truthfully. Who does not even text their date? It was rude.

“I know you have goals but the last thing you want is to become sad lonely Auntie Lilia with no children and lipstick on her teeth like your father’s older sister Rosa.”

Lilia grimaced as she reflexively ran her tongue over her teeth. She was far from the age of spinsterhood. While Lilia was concerned about not reaching her personal goals she had a lot going for her. She was attractive. On the short side but had curves and slightly wicked since of humor men could appreciate.

“Then I guess it is a good thing this dinner went well.”

Lilia’s mother gasped suddenly. “Why don’t you bring him home.”

Lilia’s eyes widened, “I’m sorry what?”

“Bring him home.”

“Mom.”

“Let me and your father have a look at him. We tell you if he is a waste of time.”

“We have not even gone on a second date.”

“You said the two of you would meet today. That is your second date. Bring him home for the third date.”

“That is not a real third date. But that is someone’s real nightmare.”

“Lilia.”

“I cannot throw the man into the psychiatric ward that is our family so soon after meeting him. Especially not at Christmas time.”

“Lilia.”

“Mom., I really think this is a bad idea.”

“Bring him home Lilia,” her mother stated with a hard edge before hanging up the phone.

“Mom.”

“Mom!”

“Mom. Don’t do this to me. Mom,” Lilia exclaimed before letting the phone drop.”

*End of Excerpt*

Jen A. Durand

Author of The Secrets, Lies, and Betrayal Series and The Virgins Club, www.Durandpublishing.net

Completed Works

Secrets, Lies, and Betrayal Series:

Wintr’s Homecoming: Secrets

Jaguar Nights: Lies

Pearl Moon: Betrayal

Shadowy Lights: Fear

Cold Sun: Obsession

The Virgins Club:

The Planner

The Fixer

Lipstick Diaries:

She Meets Bold

Wicked Meets Bad Boy
Confident Meets Cold

The Prince’s Heart

Things Left Unsaid

Stuck Between Two Millionaires

Lasting Kind Of Love

Twins For Christmas

Closing The Deal

Monday, October 10, 2016

High Heels?

The other day I was headed off to a job interview. I was on my professional grind. Wearing a wig to cover my natural curls and a red A-line dress. This happen to be the second interview for this particular company, I was confident in my outfit choice. Then my baby sister stopped me and pointed to my black flats.

"Where are your heels?"

I live in New York and the interview was in a part of the city where parking is an olympic sport. Riding the train would have taken me a full twenty minutes longer just based off of where I lived. I knew that by driving I would have a walk ahead of me. So I opted for sensible shoes not "lady shoes".

Because I was in a hurry I did not respond, but her question bothered me. It was passively saying that as a woman looking for a job. Opting for flats was somehow less professional then showing up with heels.

I love a good heel. They look nice and give me a warm feminine feeling when I am wearing them. But they are uncomfortable!!! Prolonged exposure causes aches and my boobs do a good enough job of that on their own...

When did heels become the uniform of choice for professional women. As if wearing them suddenly raises my IQ and makes me more hireable.

Why?

Am I proving actual suffering for the job by wearing them? Does it solidify my commitment to working in some way by walking the four blocks it took me to get there in heels, that have by now, rubbed my toes raw? Though I am sure my sister did not mean to imply such things in her innocent enough question. I found myself thinking about all of the things I do when I go on an interview.

I wear the expensive dress, nice blazer, and the makeup I usually only pull on for special occasions. I braid down the kinks and where the wig with the highlighted ringlets. Those things add to my natural beauty, but also hide the things "the powers that be" have deemed unkempt and unprofessional.

Even during my own graduation from graduate school, I found myself surrounded by aunts all voicing their opinion about whether wearing my afro beneath that cap was appropriate. I was treated to multiple explanations as to why that would not fly. How professional african american woman did not wear their natural curls, but wear locks of long straight hair with professionally styled curls.

These women who taught me how to dress, comb my hair, braid, and express my inner diva. Were telling me that showing my roots was some how detracting from what I had accomplished. My afro became this unworthy thing and the only remedy was to hide it away behind weaves.

Why? Why do I have to assimilate to be proven worthy when I have done the most important part in getting my qualifications? Why can I not wear the clothes most comfortable to me when I have spent the last twenty years of my life receiving the education necessary to make me competent to do the job?

What about those heels give you confidence in my ability?