Showing posts with label Daughters. Show all posts

Sunday, January 14, 2018

New year, New Lies We Tell Ourselves...

I don't make new years resolutions. Usually because that would require thinking about my life beyond the next week and that most often leads to a spiral. I find it is best for my mental stability to only take things a week at a time. This year has just begun and I have already had a few verbal arguments (I'm trying guys), done some charitable giving (Supporting a college aged sister counts right?), and wished I lived on a remote island only accessible by amazon planes so I can use my "prime" shipping.

My life, like most others, is full of ups and downs. Twist and turns... Loops and nosedives. Last year was another year of growing I needed and offered a lot of hurdles. But I am still standing. My legs are still moving and occasionally I feel like running.

This year I want give myself a chance to make some real changes. This year I want to make a few resolutions. Don't get too excited, this may turn into a pack of lies (hence the title).

This year I want to do for the year of 2018:

1. Kiss a man without knowing his first name (Overcoming some very serious germaphobia)

2. Write at least four books (While maintain some semblance of a life and working full time)

3. Go somewhere with a lot of sand and sun (Can't waste a winter of getting beach body ready right? Ha, yeah right.)

4. Go on a date with a man I did not immediately regret getting dressed up for (Dude, why are you not even worth the effort I put into blending into my concealer?)

5. Stand up in a room full of people and shine. (Can't just save the smartassery for my house and close friends)

6. Walk away from unnecessary drama, even when I know I am right, because it is not worth the years subtracted from my life (It is just sooo hard!!!)

Right! So there it is. My list of resolutions/possible lies. It is, a few weeks late I know, but at least it is here and in the right month.

I know it has been a while since I have posted. Life got crazy... Books needed writing... Bills needed to be paid. Haha. But I want to reassure you all of those things will happen again this year and I will manage to get a post up at least one a month. Writing as good a balm as any for a antisocial introvert like me. I get to share my thoughts without having to have a prolonged conversation where I am constantly reviewing what I said to make sure I don't offend delicate sensibilities (have I mentioned I can be a bit of a smartass?).

I want this space to be a safe place, a reprieve from the crazy that is the outside world. I want those who read my work to laugh, cry, and walk away from the scenes that pushed all of their buttons until they have found their happy median again.

This year will be the year of faith and adventure. Do you want to be a part of it?

Contact Info:

Website:

www.DurandPublishing.net

Facebook:

Durand Publishing

Wintr's Homecoming

Jaguar Nights

Instagram:

Jensawanderingthoughts

Friday, July 14, 2017

Dream Date

We pick something fun with lots of bombs

and a predictable ending.

You wear your favorite tee and a pair of old sweats.

I'm wearing my glasses and a dozen dots of zit cream.

My head is on your lap

as your sock covered feet rest on the coffee table.

Your fingers play with the tips of my braids.

I'm trying to throw popcorn into your mouth.

You tease me, when I squeak during the tense scenes.

I tease you, when you drool over the cars.

We aren't trying to impress each other.

We are happy.

Carefree.

We are living the dream.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Regret

My fear controlled me.

The weight of it surrounded me.

I feared myself.

My world.

My future.

I feared living a life of failure.

Now I only fear the regret of not trying.

Jen A. Durand

Completed Works

Secrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:

Wintr’s Homecoming: Secrets

The Virgins Club:

The Planner

The Fixer

The Dreamer

Lipstick Diaries:

Solo Romances:

Things We Left Unsaid

Stuck Between Two Millionaires

Twins For Christmas

Lasting Kind Of Love

True Match Arrangements:

Billionaire’s Perfect Bride
Billionaire's Contracted Family

The Young and The Powerful

Witch’s Reflection

Friday, March 3, 2017

Loss ( Except From "Things We Left Unsaid")

Sometimes it felt as if there was no more air left in this world. As if she could not breathe because all of it had been sucked out of the room and there was nothing left for her. It took everything inside of her, not to shatter into a million pieces. To hide her pain from everyone.

Taylor gathered her legs to her chest and gasped for precious breath. No one truly understood the way she felt. No one knew what if felt like to lose something she’d been sure was safe inside of her. Someone so precious.

The pale buttercream walls, zoo themed accents, and empty wood carved crib. Her daughter’s nursery. The one she insisted they paint together and stocked full of everything a baby could need. How many times had she come in here just to make sure nothing was out of place? She wanted everything to be perfect for the day she got to bring their baby home.

Ian tried not to look in the direction of this room. Swallowing hard, she laid her head on her jean covered knees. He wanted to pack everything up. Put the loss behind them and move on. But she couldn’t do it just yet. There was an ache that just would not fade. A sorrow she just could not release.

Touching the dark green long sleeved onesie in her hand, she tried to imagine what Reese would have looked like in something so small. Imagine what her daughter would have looked like if she lived. If Taylor had done a better job of keeping her safe.

Tears coursed across her nose as she heard a shuffle behind her. Ian must have come home early. She planned to leave the room before he came back. He didn’t like her coming in here. Didn’t like seeing her like this. His grief was more reserved.

She’d only seen him cry twice. That night in the hospital and the day they buried her. She could feel the weight of his gaze before he turned and walked away. They weren’t in sync any more. She could feel it and didn’t know how to change it.

Or if she had the energy to do more than she was already doing. He was supposed to be the one she could lean on. Instead he made her feel like her grief was taking to long. As if this was a wound that should have scabbed over already.

She was trying.

She made sure he woke up with her beside him. Smiled as she cooked him breakfast and sent him off to work. Laughed even when all she wanted to do was lay down on the floor of this nursery. This wasn’t healthy and she knew it. But it was what she needed and trying to pretend that it wasn’t… Took a lot out of her.

Sniffling she wiped her face and sat up. Taylor wasn’t the same woman he’d married. The passion and strength that had guided her most of her life was nowhere in sight. She felt crumpled and fixing it was hard when all she could see is what they’d lost.

Jen A. Durand

Completed Works

Secrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:

Wintr’s Homecoming: Secrets

The Virgins Club:

The Planner

The Fixer

The Dreamer

Lipstick Diaries:

Solo Romances:

Things We Left Unsaid

Stuck Between Two Millionaires

Twins For Christmas

Lasting Kind Of Love

True Match Arrangements:

Billionaire’s Perfect Bride
Billionaire's Contracted Family

The Young and The Powerful

Witch’s Reflection

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Where Do I See Myself In Five Years...

Someone asked me that question during a mock interview and it floored me a little. Not because I do not think about my future or what I want in that future. But because the way I think of it is not in the way a prospective employer or business partner. In the same way I do not think of success in terms of awards or accolades.

I do things, not in the hopes that they will be well received, but in the hopes I never regret not doing it. People say it is better to say sorry, than to ask for permission and be denied. Stepping into this world of adulthood it is becoming more and more apparent that nothing in life happens according to plan.

In some ways I guess I believe in fate. Not in the sense that people have no control over their future, but in the sense that there are things people have to go through. There is hurt people have to feel and lessons people have to learn.
I live a relatively tame life. I personally think that I am a boring person. Individually. My family as a whole has its moments. But me on a daily basis is the normal grind of a girl trying to carve out a life of success for herself. Maybe it's because I write female leads with such dramatic, comedic, and amazing sex lives that my life just pales in comparison?
I work, hang with friends or family, cook, write, respond to emails. Occusionaply on my off hours I do legal research for family members who believe I live off of prayers and plates of rice. (Though I shouldn't complain too much because they do feed me and prayers are always appreciated.) My present is full, crazy, stressful, busy, and happy for the most part. My future will hopefully be the same way.

When I think of the future it is not in set markers. I think about it in the sense of personal success. I approach work with the mindset that my hard work may not always be rewarded, but at least I know I did the best that I could.
In five years, I want to be stronger, wiser, and smarter than I am today. I want to be surrounded in a eco system of love. I want to own a house. Run a financially solid business. Excel in my professional field and be the kind of person I have always wanted to be.

I hope to be independent and happy in whatever position I am in because I know I have dreams and the tools to reach them. Now try saying all of that to a prospective employer and not feeling like you have talked to much. Hence why that is a question I am constantly searching for the canned answer for. The future a fluid thing with all sorts of ripples and waves. I have no clue where I will be or the people who will be beside me. But I do know in five or ten years I will be successful...
Because in my mind I am successful here and now. Just by being able to be myself, learn, change, mold my future, and reach for what I want without asking permission, but occasionally tossing apologies over my shoulder.

Completed Works

Secrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:

Wintr’s Homecoming: Secrets

The Virgins Club:

The Planner

The Fixer

The Dreamer

Lipstick Diaries: