Sometimes it felt as if there was no more air left in this world. As if she could not breathe because all of it had been sucked out of the room and there was nothing left for her. It took everything inside of her, not to shatter into a million pieces. To hide her pain from everyone.
Taylor gathered her legs to her chest and
gasped for precious breath. No one truly understood the way she felt. No one
knew what if felt like to lose something she’d been sure was safe inside of
her. Someone so precious.
The pale buttercream walls, zoo themed
accents, and empty wood carved crib. Her daughter’s nursery. The one she
insisted they paint together and stocked full of everything a baby could need.
How many times had she come in here just to make sure nothing was out of place?
She wanted everything to be perfect for the day she got to bring their baby
home.
Ian tried not to look in the direction of
this room. Swallowing hard, she laid her head on her jean covered knees. He
wanted to pack everything up. Put the loss behind them and move on. But she
couldn’t do it just yet. There was an ache that just would not fade. A sorrow
she just could not release.
Touching the dark green long sleeved onesie
in her hand, she tried to imagine what Reese would have looked like in
something so small. Imagine what her daughter would have looked like if she
lived. If Taylor had done a better job of keeping her safe.
Tears coursed across her nose as she heard a
shuffle behind her. Ian must have come home early. She planned to leave the
room before he came back. He didn’t like her coming in here. Didn’t like seeing
her like this. His grief was more reserved.
She’d only seen him cry twice. That night in
the hospital and the day they buried her. She could feel the weight of his gaze
before he turned and walked away. They weren’t in sync any more. She could feel
it and didn’t know how to change it.
Or if she had the energy to do more than she
was already doing. He was supposed to be the one she could lean on. Instead he
made her feel like her grief was taking to long. As if this was a wound that
should have scabbed over already.
She was trying.
She made sure he woke up with her beside
him. Smiled as she cooked him breakfast and sent him off to work. Laughed even
when all she wanted to do was lay down on the floor of this nursery. This
wasn’t healthy and she knew it. But it was what she needed and trying to
pretend that it wasn’t… Took a lot out of her.
Sniffling she wiped her face and sat up.
Taylor wasn’t the same woman he’d married. The passion and strength that had
guided her most of her life was nowhere in sight. She felt crumpled and fixing
it was hard when all she could see is what they’d lost.
Jen A. Durand
Completed Works
Secrets, Lies, & Betrayal Series:
The Virgins Club:
Lipstick Diaries:
Solo Romances:
The Young and The Powerful
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