Sometimes I find myself in the field behind my house. Laying among the clovers and blades of fresh cut grass. My thoughts revolve around my life. The things I have done and the things I want to do. There are two overriding emotions at war within me.

Pride in all that I have done and the accomplishments I have made. Fear of failure and stumbling on the boulders of life.

The pale blue sky calm me. Chirping birds, and barking dogs are like music. The pride is fed by the successful completion of a task or challenge. The fear is fed by the expectations of my family, my own need to meet their expectation, and my wish to leave a mark on this world.

I have been going through this cycle of interviews, sending out job applications, working, writing, editing, blogging, babysitting, and constantly evaluating the path I have opted to take.

Risk is this memorizing thing. It draws me in like a moth to a flame. As a child I was withdrawn. I liked being in my own head and reading about philosophy, history, emotions, and mythology.

I loved to think about what adulthood would look and feel like. How I would work, pay my bills, date, and live the single life before settling into a successful marriage.

When you are a kid you do not think about the seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, and years of struggle and failure. You don't think about the stress of taking a risk. Putting yourself out there and failing.

Now I have left the welcome bosom of school to enter the world of reality and I miss school. Not necessarily the the debt or the hair pulling exams. I miss learning. Working with people not concerned with money, but about the way they could impact the world. Fiction is often better then reality. (Hmm, Right?!).

Reality this week was beautiful, frustrating, scary, depressing, and barely like anything I planned or envisioned for my future. Next week will be the same. And the week after that. And the week after that week. And for the rest of my life the plans I make are little more then a cold comfort.

But I will keep dreaming, writing, and planning. I will keep trying, failing, succeeding. I will do it because giving up is easy and as I stated before. Meeting the challenges I set for myself and successfully passing my goals feeds my pride. It needs to be stronger then my fear.

Best Wishes,

Jen A. Durand, Founder of Durand Publishing

P.S I have decided to giveaway free copies of one of my titles available on Kindle, Kobo, and Nook.

In order for a reader to qualify. The reader must join my mailing list on my website www.DurandPublishing.net and leave a review on either Barnes & Noble, Kobo, or Amazon. Remember Reviewing is Caring. 😘