The other day I was having a conversation with some friends. We were all in a newly renovated home, eating appetizers, and talking. 5 women. All of them educated with careers, or businesses. 2 women in separate committed relationships, and 3 single women. All of us laughing as we caught up. We talked about food. Life. School. Men.
The woman in relationships complained about their significant others. Shared funny stories of the lover’s mishaps. The single girls spoke about how hard it is to be apart of the singles club. To find a man, and not a boy. We spoke about how the men with the education to match our own seemed more interested in finding a caretaker then a partner.
Growing up, we as woman are socialized to believe that we are the original jugglers. We work, cook, clean, birth, and raise the children. Men work and fix things. Occasionally they will ordain to give their wives a break and take their children out on a “welfare” check in.
This cycle is reinforced in our men because mothers tend to dote on their boys. Rarely is it expected that men learn to cook. Rarer still for them to learn how to sew a button, or mend clothes. It is unheard of for a man to take his wife’s name. Uncommon for a man to be told that it is okay for him to quit his job and raise the children.
It seems as if the better educated a man is, the more they want a wife who has all of the qualities they admire like beauty, and intelligence. But the list does not stop there. They have this expectation that these woman also need to know how to cook, clean, and care for them in a manner very similarly to the way their mothers did in the past.
We are expected to be an accessory, nursemaid, and willing to table our ambition for the good of the unit. Try telling a man with a Masters, PHD, Medical degree, or a J.D to take a beat and sacrifice for the unit. Tell him that the children need him at home and pulling the duty. That you will continue to work and ensure the families financial success. There will be hesitation. Yet that same man would take for granted your decision to be home with your shared children.
We have all worked hard for our jobs and our successes. Getting those degrees were not walks in the park. Paying those loans can give people nightmares. We have ambition and want the recognition of a promotion. So finding a man with a hustle that matches our own and does not expect us to take the back seat to theirs is hard. Not impossible. But hard.
We commiserated on the dates that ended in disaster and the men who approached us sideways. We shared the list of qualities we admired and the traits we know make it hard for others to live with us. We laughed as we joked about our turnoffs and turn-ons. But in the end all of us agreed we are not looking to be a grown man’s mother.
Jen A. Durand
Author of The Secrets, Lies, and Betrayal Series and The Virgins Club, www.Durandpublishing.net
Completed Works
The Secrets, Lies, and Betrayal Series:
Wintr’s Homecoming:
Secrets
Jaguar Nights:
Lies
Pearl Moon
Betrayal
Shadowy Lights
Fear
The Virgins Club:
The Planner
The Fixer
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