I have seen her walk up to the man that she wants and tell him she finds him attractive. I have also seen her look in the mirror and complain about non-existant belly fat and acne. J and I were walking in the city and talking about the state of our dating lives. About men and our approach to flirting. *This was of course after we had a very smart conversation about international law and politics. (Must always pass the Bechdel-Wallace Test).
She talked about how men do not always have to make the first move and how sometimes it is up to us as women to make our interest known. I listened, then disagreed.
Head strong, I am the type of woman who truly believes that women and men should be equal in rights and power. It frustrates me to no end when people talk about gender roles and perpetuate the idea that woman are supposed to be completely subservient to a man. Growing up in a Caribbean household, I was taught that as a young woman I had to be educated like a man and still cook, serve, clean, and welcome a man who occasional took out the trash and did some yard work.
Raised by a single mom who did all of those things and was still left by her husband, I decided to go a different route. I decided that instead of cooking, serving, and cleaning, for a man in an effort to keep him. I would look for a partner. Someone who would match my qualities and be my partner. The first test of that is your ability to overcome whatever misapprehension you have to talk to me first.
Not behind a computer screen or a some app. But here in reality. Show me your "metal", because if I have to approach you? Then I just won't. Not based out of fear, but based off a , perhaps flawed perception, of gift wrapping myself for a man.
I have this urge to state that I love men. I love, love. I also read romance books like a starving person inhales pub style onion rings and a burger. But I do not always like how subservient the woman are to the men. Independence is not just saying what you want. It is also making moves with autonomy that acknowledges the partnership that has been entered into, but also supports individualism.
Jen A. Durand
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